What I know for sure is that Mama Bear did not love me any less when Rabbit was born. Her love wasn’t divided; her heart is not limited to a sum-zero exchange with a finite amount of emotion to dole out. Instead, she loves each of us fully, wholly… and it is holy.
What I am learning is that when confronted with a change, my hope and fear do not duel with one another. How I feel about a particular situation is not confined to a 24-ounce cup. The presence of fear does not mean that some of my hope has spilled and is lost. The loss of what was is not a counterweight to the joy and thrill of a new beginning. Before, I have allowed that pang of what could have been hold me back from embracing what is yet to come. If I am holding back tears, I must not be all in, wholeheartedly in favor of whatever change lies ahead. What I am learning is that my enthusiasm is not negated or mitigated by the fear; they can and do co-exist.
It’s like looking out at the horizon, fully sky and wholly ocean. It is nostalgia and regret mingling with hope and anticipation. It is living, imperfectly, fully, wholly, holy.
It is a tender truth to realize that my heart won’t break from trying to contain the grief and the goodness, the hope and the hurt.
